The Parents Role

Parent Etiquette

• Cheer for your team, not against the opposing team. Remember that the opposing team is made up of children as well, and the goal is for all to have fun.

• Remember that referees working the games are not professionals. They will make mistakes. Referees frequently quit because the abuse they receive from parents and players.

• If a referee is calling a bad game, let the coach handle it. Abuse by parents hurts the team and often embarrasses your organization.

• Maintain a positive environment:

• Never talk negatively about the coaches to your child or in front of your child. If you talk negatively about a coach, it undermines authority and destroys team building.

• Never talk negatively about another player to your child or in front of your child. If you talk negatively about another player, it teaches your child to do the same, it breaks the team bond, and makes things worse for the team as a whole.

• Every season for your child will not be a winning season. It's much easier to keep positive when the team is winning. If your child is having a losing season, talking positive will help; talking negative will make things worse. Winning is important, but it isn't everything. Remember that you are a role model for these children.

• Everybody needs to "vent" once in a while. Vent to your spouse in private, or to a friend or family member who has nothing to do with the team.
   

Parent/Coach Interaction

• Do not ask the coach to evaluate your child individually. Hockey is a team sport, and the coach is focusing on the team during the season. If you want individual evaluation for your child, ask for it after the season is over.

• If you are angry after a game, use the 24 hour rule before saying anything to the coach. If you talk to a coach when you're angry, you will more than likely regret it, you may embarrass your child and be a negative role model.

• Do not make excuses for your child. Always encourage them to do their best, but don't support their opinion that they lost a game due to a bad referee, a bad coach, or a weak teammate. Teach accountability.

• Always support your child's dream. But remember it is their dream, not yours. Please make certain they are playing the game because they love it, not because they think it's what you want them to do. Don't be disappointed if their dream isn't the same as yours. Maybe they want to play hockey for fun, not train for the NHL.

• Give them feedback and pointers after the game only if they ask for it. If they do ask, start out giving them positive feedback first, but also give them feedback on how they can improve. They need to understand that they can always improve, even if they are the most skilled player on the team.

• Don't underestimate the importance of parent/parent interaction. You will find that the best seasons are those when all of the parents get along and enjoy each other's company. You know the saying "When Mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy"? It is the same with hockey seasons: "When the parents ain't happy, ain't nobody happy."

• Make a conscious effort to get to know every parent. You will be spending a lot of time together, it is a long season. You can make some of the most lasting close friendships with parents in youth hockey.

• Organize dinners and outings with the other parents and players when you're on the road The players want to be together, and your child also wants to know that you are having fun with the other parents. Bonding of both players and parents helps the team and the coaching staff.

• Because of the time and financial commitment of travel hockey, it is almost as important for the parents to have as much fun as the kids. For some, hockey tournaments may replace family vacations, so make the most of each trip.

• Don’t forget about the interaction with parents on the opposing team. Never talk to a parent on the opposing team when you are angry, even if taunted. If you do, you will more than likely regret it. The hockey community in the South is small. It is not uncommon for your child to end up on a team with a child from another team at some point. Then these parents that were from opposing teams, are now parents of a child on your child’s team.

Important Summary Points

• Bad parental behavior can hurt your child’s opportunity to advance in the sport of hockey. Skilled children have been passed over because of the past behavior of their parents.

• Bad player behavior can hurt a chance to advance in the sport of hockey. Some players that attended the USA Hockey National Select 14 camp this summer were disqualified from further selection due to behavior problems. No one has more influence on a child’s behavior than the parents.

• First and foremost – remember hockey is just a game and the players are children. Keep it in perspective!